Where did five months go?

At what point did it become June?  It seems like this Spring just flew by and now it's back to blazing hot summer here in the Houston area.  The girls are 16 months old now and are giggling and toddling around everywhere.  They are both healthy and doing well.  A lot of people ask me if they have developed their own language.  I do catch them talking to each other and especially hear it on the baby monitor first thing in the morning.  What it sounds like is "blah blah blah blah...hee hee hee" followed by peals of laughter.  I have no idea what they are talking about, but it makes me laugh every time.  I can never catch them doing this so I probably need to put a camera in their room.  It is an awesome way to wake up, though!

We took them to their first gymnastics class a few weeks ago and that was received about as well as can be expected.  Chloe cried for the first ten minutes and Lily just stood there like a statue.  Toward the end of the class they started to feel comfortable and wanted to play, but then the class was over and it was time to leave.  I think we will wait until they're at least two to enroll them in a program like that.

I finally joined a "parents of multiples" group.  I haven't been to a meeting yet, but I hope it will help me learn how to deal with the unique challenges that come with raising twins.  Because they're getting bigger, it's harder for me to take them out by myself.  I want to get out with them like I see other people do with their children, but it's hard.  I still haven't taken them to normal places like the grocery store, etc.  We do take them to church and then to brunch or dinner sometimes and they do great in public.  They love seeing people and are very social.  I want to gain the confidence to take them out on my own.  Maybe I'll try that this summer when I'm on vacation.

 

Speaking of that, we're taking them on their first plane ride when we go to Pittsburgh later this summer.  This thought gives us great anxiety.  I know people take kids on a plane every day, but honestly, I've never been the one with the kid so I usually just ignore it.  I've read lots of articles about traveling with kids, but I guess it's kind of like fear of the unknown.  I don't know how they'll handle it.  I have a plan, we have cool gear, but none of that could matter once we get going.  I'm open to suggestions!  (Although, just so you know, I don't plan to medicate them to get them to sleep on the plane, as someone suggested to me.)

I'm not sure what is so much fun about playing in a bucket, but they both seem to love it!

I guess the other thing on my mind is how much life has changed in the past 16 months.  I think I've mentioned that before (about a million times,) but to my friends reading this, I want you to know I haven't forgotten about you.  I have missed events, many plays my friends have been in, parties for people, dinners out, etc.  I just haven't figured out how to balance it all yet and the funny thing is, when those little arms reach out for me, want a hug, and even push each other out of the way to sit on my lap, I can't imagine being anywhere else but where I am at that very moment.  I just want to sit there and hold them because I look back at pictures from just a few months ago and I realize how fast they've grown.  In the words of Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast.  If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." 

Hospital Musings

Here we are again back in the hospital.  I never thought in my wildest nightmares that we would be doing this again with Lily.  To make a long story short, last Sunday she began vomiting.  We thought it was a stomach bug, took her to the doctor, got meds, etc.  It got worse.  We took her to the ER and it turned out to be an intestinal blockage as a result of scar tissue forming after her surgery.  It has been repaired and we are once again fortunate to have our same team of doctors taking care of her.  They truly do give her the very best care and take good care of us.  It has been a rollercoaster since we got here.  Once we think she is doing better, she runs a fever, has a high heart rate, or has to be tested for infection.  We get past that hurdle and something else is waiting.  It has been more than I think I can bear sometimes.  I look at her lying there and I wish I could be the one to take her place.  Since I can't, and I am extremely sleep deprived, I do the only thing I know how to do...I write about it.

These are just a few of my observations over the past week back in the hospital:

1) I am getting fat(ter) from all the grilled cheese yumminess I am consuming from the hospital cafeteria in an effort to placate my impending bout of depression.

2) Life flight lands an average of 15 times a day...just above me (that I have counted in boredom.)  That number doubles on the weekends.

3) Lily may have an infection.  I have learned that I may also catch it from changing her diapers and not washing my hands thoroughly.  Positve note?  This may counteract point #1 as it causes severe diarrhea.  Hooray!  I may lose some of that unwanted fat.

4) Days are running together and I no longer know what day it is.  I have to ask.

5) I sleep in a window seat.  Yep, you read that right.  Thankfully I am 5 ft. tall so it all works out okay.

6) I feel helpless most of the time.  I try to comfort Lily, but I can't take away her pain and this makes me both sad and sick.  I can neither cry nor throw up any more because I am numb.

7) If you don't advocate for your child, don't expect anyone else to do the same.  Even if you are not a doctor, you know your child best and owe it to them to speak up when they cannot.

8) Last night, the child down the hall yelled, "aaaaa...help me...leave me alone" until 2 a.m.  There is no sound level of Pandora radio that will cover that noise.

9) There is a dysfunctional sense of community that develops when you have a child in the hospital.  I looked in the mirror today and realized how bad I truly looked.  I ignored it and went downstairs to the cafeteria anyway.  On my way, I ran into another mother who looked the same way.  We shared our stories and I felt semi-normal.

10) Lily is a doll.  Really.  I know other parents feel the same about their kids, but if i was going through what she is, I don't think I'd be as sweet.  I thank God for her.

11) Chloe is with her grandma.  I don't know how I'd handle it if I had to worry about her, as well.  It gives me peace of mind.

12) You can use medical tape to tape your iPhone to the hospital bed and turn it in to a video screen for your child.  If you have a sparkly rhinestone case like mine, have glue handy because some rhinestones will come off.  It's worth it, though, to take away your child's pain for a while.

13) The hospital gift shop sells OPI nail polish.  Score!  (It does not; however, sell alcohol of any kind.  Fail.)

14) The pineapple in the cafeteria tastes like I licked someone's armpit.  (Not that I have actually licked an armpit before, but it tastes like what I'd imagine a nasty armpit might be.)

15) Writing is therapy.

16. I just want her to smile again.