Nothing about our lives has been normal for the last three weeks. We were thrilled to find out we were chosen for the twins, loved meeting our birthmother and her boyfriend, and then four days later the girls were here...two months early. I am very much a "roll with it" kind of gal. I try to make the best out of every situation so I thought, "okay, we're not ready, but we have lots of wonderful friends and family that can help." I also thought that we'd be in the NICU a few days, the girls would get released, and we'd go home and happily start our new lives together.
I have battled frustration with my job because although my paycheck said I have 61.5 days of leave, they have informed me that the paycheck is wrong and I only have 34 and will be docked pay for being out. In my preliminary calculations, this will be just over $7000. I love my job and have been in my career for 16 years. I was even a finalist for district teacher of the year. I cannot imagine doing anything else and thinking that I had double the days they say I have, only to find out that my paycheck is printed incorrectly really crushed me. Because I am spending an average of 14 hours a day at the hospital, I do not have time to research this. My focus has to be on the girls. I just keep praying for a solution. I do; however, think it's bad business practice to print one number on a paycheck and then tell your employee that number is incorrect due to a computer error. I am trying to just put this aside and focus on the girls, but it still hurts. I have always gone above and beyond in my job and have had perfect evaluations. When I return, I will still do what I do the same way because I believe in what I do and I care so much for my students. I feel called to my profession and want to see my kids succeed.
We are no longer living in Beaumont and that is a true blessing because we racked up a $2000 hotel bill while we were there. The girls were rushed by ambulance to Houston and, to me, that indicates a sense of urgency. The girls got settled in, but the communication has been lacking, which has frustrated us to no end. Chloe's doctor has been wonderful. She has been by the room, has called every day with an update, and told us what the plan is; however, Chloe is not the real reason we are home. Lily has been assigned a team of specialists. There have been so many people through her pod that it is hard to determine who her actual doctor is. When we ask, we gave gotten answers such as "we're evaluating the ultrasound" to "we just have to wait for the barium and formula to exit her body." She has trouble eliminating waste and we have been extremely concerned that she has only eliminated when given a suppository. What we have been seeing is this beautiful little girl lying there and people just looking at her making notes. I have been in tears a lot. Part of it is frustration and some has been exhaustion. Fortunately, Brice and his mom were able to sit down with two of the doctors yesterday and get some open communication going. They did an additional ultrasound and a surgeon came in to evaluate. Now we wait for answers...and we pray.
Am I happy I became a parent? You bet. I certainly did not expect the process to be this complicated, but when I hold those sweet little gifts from God in my arms, I know that there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. Sometimes life throws adversity in our path. How we deal with that adversity determines our true character.
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